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Best J.P. Holding Quote EVER

J.P. Holding was one of my inspirations for entering apologetics ministry.  Before I saw his site, I had no idea that Christians even did things like that.  I love writing, I love arguing my point, and I love teaching people things.  Apologetics seemed to offer that, and an opportunity to serve God while doing it.

I was in.

I’ve seen an evolution in Holding.  He used to be extremely sarcastic and derisive toward anyone who disagreed with him, including creating a Screwball of the Month Award for atheists who used the dumbest/most ignorant arguments against Christianity.  Though he still does much of that, his main site has had most of that material expunged or edited for Christian charity.  Mostly, he keeps the sarcasm at bay.

He’d never admit it, but I think he finally started listening to the other side and realized that Christian charity is most important when dealing with outsiders.  They know we’re supposed to “turn the other cheek,” and they basically expect us to be doormats on account of that command.  Let’s give them what they expect–and more.  And, above all, “so far as it depends on you [the Christian], live peaceably with all” (Rom 12:18).

In certain places, however, the sarcasm flies freely.  Though J.P. has said a lot of sarcastic gems in the past, this has to be the best retort hands down:

God as a constant fixer-upper is the contrivance of a lazy and ignorant generation that thinks the whole purpose of being omnipotent is to be able to create rational beings and then entertain them. (source)

I laughed for 5 minutes straight.  I still chuckle reading back over for the hundredth time.  Thank you, J.P., and keep fighting the good fight!

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About Cory Tucholski

I'm a born-again Christian, amateur apologist and philosopher, father of 3. Want to know more? Check the "About" page!

Posted on March 31, 2011, in Humor and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I agree, there might be a few Christians who imagine God’s duty is to keep them “entertained” for eternity, perhaps in an eternal worship service in heaven with the finest Christian contemporary music playing in the background and endless praise choruses being sung.

    But most people, including atheists, can make their own “entertainment,” from sports and plays to movies and video games, and are happy simply to not be subject to the destructive designs of nature here and now.

    Only a Designer would have had the infinite wisdom and compassion to “control the wind, the rain and lightning, such that whole States dry and wither, while at the same time wasting precious rain on the sea; make hurricanes and tornadoes such that cities and people are crushed to shapelessness; and direct lightning to strike the life out of men, women, and children.” [Ingersoll] (See Job, chapters 36-38)

    Only a Designer would have had the infinite wisdom and compassion to plant upon the earth thousands of deadly shrubs and vines; stock the earth with ferocious beasts and poisonous reptiles; take pains to breed malaria and a host of other diseases in just the right `host’ animals and environments he’d created for that purpose; arrange that the ground would occasionally open and swallow a few of his darlings; establish volcanoes that might at any moment overwhelm his children with rivers of fire; and then neglect to tell his children which of the plants and animals were deadly; failed to say anything about the earthquakes, volcanoes, asteroid impacts, etc.

    Only a Designer would have had the infinite wisdom and compassion to create the bacteria that infect the food we eat. Microgram for microgram, the poisons produced by some bacteria in our food are more potent than all other known poisons on earth. It is estimated that one tenth of an ounce of the toxin produced by bacteria causing botulism would be more than enough to kill everyone in the city of New York; and a 12-ounce glassful would be enough to kill all 5.9 billion human beings on the face of the Earth. (The same happens to be true of the toxin that causes tetanus.) Pretty powerful stuff. (Do Design-theorists imagine the Designer working overtime in His own personal biological warfare laboratory?)

    Only a Designer would have had the infinite wisdom and compassion to make it so that most creatures on earth do not obtain all the vitamins, minerals, trace minerals, and protein they need to grow up into the best possible shape, physically and mentally.

    For instance, lack of vitamin D causes rickets, lack of vitamin C causes scurvy, lack of niacin causes pellagra, lack of vitamin A causes blindness in children, lack of vitamins C, E, B-6, B-12 and/or iron, causes anemia, lack of vitamin B-12 is linked to fibro-cystic breast condition, lack of calcium, iodine, or other minerals also cause deficiency diseases. As does the lack of necessary quantities of protein in the diet. Such deficiencies caused a lot more problems in the days when essential types of food were less abundant (especially during some seasons of the year) and when nutritional standards were unknown. And such deficiencies continue to plague people in less developed regions of the world. Moreover, such deficiencies are especially hard on babies and children, where a deficiency’s effects are magnified and lead to lifelong physical and mental problems.

    As many as 30% of the children in China (a country with the world’s highest population) are believed to suffer stunted growth (and sexual maturation problems) due to zinc deficiency.

    And there is a “goiter belt” along the Atlantic coast from west to central Africa, where many people lack enough iodine in their system. The worst area for this deficiency is in the Republic of Guinea where 70% of all adults have goiter. “Thyroid swelling was sometimes present at birth and affected 55% of school children . . . Endemic cretinism, mainly in its myxodematous form, was found in about 2% of goitrous patients . . . myxodematous children, especially those affected by the most severe neurological symptoms, suffer early and high mortality rates.” [“Goitrous Endemic in Guinea,” The Lancet, Dec. 17, 1994]

    Only a Designer would have had the infinite wisdom and compassion to make it so that the human male’s testes form inside the abdomen, then have to pass through the abdominal wall and into the scrotal sac, thereby leaving two weak spots in the wall of the abdominal muscles. The intestines can poke through these weak spots, called the inguinal canals, which can result in much pain, and also cut off blood flow to the protruding and tightly squeezed intestines. According to Dr. Albert Schweitzer, who treated natives in Central Africa, “They suffer much oftener than Europeans from strangulated hernia, in which a portion of the intestines pokes out through the abdominal muscles and becomes blocked, so that it can no longer empty itself. It then becomes enormously inflated with gases which form, and this causes terrible pain. Then after several days of torture death takes place, unless the intestine can be got back through the rupture into the abdomen. Our ancestors were well acquainted with this terrible method of dying, but we no longer see it in Europe because every case is operated upon as soon as it is recognized . . . But in Africa this terrible death is quite common. There are few who have not as boys seen some man rolling in the sand of his hut and howling with agony until death came to release him.” [On the Edge of the Primeval Forest, 1961]

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